Pumpkin Dreams, Smashed

I have long loved pumpkin flavored baked goods and desserts. It's practically a holiday when Dunkin Donuts begins stocking their pumpkin muffins. I stopped eating my favorite dinner at our favorite restaurant once I learned they had pumpkin creme brulee for dessert. I made smitten kitchen's pumpkin bread pudding even though I don't like bread pudding because it was pumpkin and dessert.

Much to my dismay, I have been met with failure after failure when making pumpkin treats at home. I didn't love the pumpkin bread pudding, because of the whole not liking bread pudding bit. There were those "interesting" pumpkin pies I made last year. And now, I have failed at making pumpkin muffins. I found the recipe on a blog. It wasn't a food blog. That should have been a clue. I was taken in. Hoodwinked. I made the muffins. They contained whole wheat which made me somehow feel healthy and noble, like I was making the muffins as healthy snacks, and not treats to be scarfed down at every snack opportunity. But the muffins? Not so great. Everyone who has eaten one tells me they are good. And fresh out of the oven, they weren't so bad. But let me tell you, they don't improve. Day one, I was convinced that they were just another mediocre muffin. Day 2 I had a nightmare that my husband said they were gross and wanted to throw them all out. Day 3, I tried toasting it (for reasons to be explained later) and threw it out after 2 bites. I'm ready to toss the remaining 15. I'll wait to see if my husband eats anymore, but after that, they're going. Food waste is wrong, but so is having nightmares about having to keep eating something.

For your consideration, the problems with the muffins were as follows:
They were awfully whole wheat-y. It overwhelmed the taste of the pumpkin, the added spices and the extraordinary amount of brown sugar they used. They baked up small and sad. You could blame me for not filling my muffin tin enough, but I'll tell you, I only got two dozen and the recipe said it made three, so I will refuse culpability in that matter. The tops of them are mushy. Perhaps underbaked. I'm not sure how that happened. It was the second batch of muffins this happened to, and they baked as long as the first, in an oven that had been hot longer. All I can think is perhaps they are getting squishier upon storing, and I don't really want to think about that. Just ick.

I am very sorry to not be giving you another recipe, but honestly, if you knew, you'd thank me for not sharing it. I promise if I am every successful in my pumpkin quest, you'll be the first to know.