Bitter Nostalgia

I am hungry.

Today I have eaten the following items:
1 slice of bread
1 granola bar
3 munchkins (2 jelly, 1 cinnamon)
1 slice of chocolate cake with marshmallow icing
1 reese's peanut butter egg
1 package of these ridgy veggie chip things that I can't remember the name of but seem kind of similar to this maybe?
1 Wawa snack pack of grapes, pita chips and cheese cubes
1/2 a hard sourdough pretzel
1 slightly melted ferrero rocher chocolate hazelnut thingy
pasta with butter, parm and tomatoes

Does anyone else remember kozmo.com? You could order anything, like a Fresh Samantha, a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a movie. And they'd bring it to you. That was fabulous. I wish they existed right now. I have no idea what I'd order and chances are it would not be any more nutritious than the rest of the junk I've eaten today, but it's late, I'm lonely and I'm HUNGRY.

Please excuse me while I slink back into the kitchen hiding.

Mea Culpa

When I was in high school I had this rather amazing English teacher who was okay with it if you hadn't done your work. She didn't like it and she certainly didn't endorse it but she knew that sometimes, things didn't get done. Once she assigned an essay on the prior night's reading assignment in The Scarlet Letter. She must have sensed our pens hovering over our papers preparing to conjure answers out of thin air because she announced:

Anyone who has not done the reading, please rise, say "Mea Culpa" and bring your blank papers to me.

There were no further consequences for any of us, except for Morgan. He had to water her plants. We were good kids; we didn't take advantage. The rest of the term I did my assignments.

But lately? I haven't been doing my work here. And I am very sorry. I will be back, I promise, with delicious recipes and tales of both happiness and woe from the kitchen. But it might not be for awhile. Maybe June? I think I could handle June. I just have some more urgent things to attend to. Some of which I should be attending to RIGHT NOW.

Mea Culpa. Mea Maxima Culpa. (Lent may be over, but the guilt never ends...)

Effortless

As in, requiring no effort. Clearly I can't handle anything else these days. I know I barely post anymore, but honestly, I barely cook anymore either. I work later now than I ever have - Monday nights I'm lucky if I walk in the door before 7pm, Thursdays tend to fall in the 6:15-6:30 range. That (plus some other stressful stuff) means that I am exhausted. It's a miracle if I can tell you what I ate a few days ago, much less what I'm going to eat in the next few days.

Last night I ate hot dogs. I was sulky because I had to buy buns for the damn things.

Tonight I'm debating the pros and cons of pasta with butter and cheese or Trader Joe's gnocchi.

But this meal? This one was effortless.

ASPARAGUS AND GOAT CHEESE PASTA
Would you believe Martha does effortless?
adapted for 2 people

INGREDIENTS:
1 bunch asparagus
1/2 lb rotini
1 T olive oil
2 T butter
2 oz goat cheese
salt and pepper

DIRECTIONS:
Put a pot of water on to boil to make your pasta. Turn on your oven to 450 F. Rinse the asparagus. Chop off the bottom third of the asparagus and cut the top parts in 1 1/2" sections. Like this:
Line a sheet pan or baking dish with foil. Pour the tablespoon of oil over the asparagus and add some salt and pepper. Bake for 10-12 minutes. They should be tender but not mushy and bright happy green. I pulled my tips after 10 minutes and left the thicker parts to go for 12. Add the pasta when the water boils. Cook the pasta according to the directions. Before draining the pasta, reserve 1 C of the pasta water. You can reuse the now empty pasta pan. Over low heat melt the butter. Add the goat cheese and whisk until melted and smooth. Slowly start to add in the reserved pasta water. I added 1/4 C and that was plenty, but go according to how thick or thin you like your sauce. I tossed the pasta back in with the sauce and stirred to coat well, then I mixed in the asparagus. Definitely taste for salt and pepper, mine needed a bit. Simple, tasty (especially if you can get good asparagus), effortless.

RECIPE FOR RECOVERY

INGREDIENTS:
1 deck of cards
a Connells or Smiths tape (bonus points if one side is Connells and the other Smiths)
vanilla goldfish

DIRECTIONS:
Put the tape in your tape deck (you do have a tape deck don't you?) Deal yourself a hand of solitaire. Munch on goldfish cookies. At the end of two weeks, you'll find you've gained 10 pounds, memorized untold numbers of lyrics, learned how to shuffle the less lame-ass way (but not the Vegas dealer way) and you'll feel much better. However, cards, the Connells and the Smiths, goldfish cookies and a certain type of spring weather will constantly remind you of your convalescence and make you vaguely nostalgic for what was an absolute crap part of your 16th year.

Out Like a (Really Angry) Lamb?

Hold on a minute. Where in the Sam Hill did Spring go? I swear, last weekend as I was lying in bed moaning a soft warm breeze gently wafted through the room. And of course, now that I'm mostly recuperated, it's back to bleeping cold. It SNOWED Friday. It didn't stick of course, but I reserve the right to be hostile. I'm not unfamiliar with the whole warm up-cool down phenomenon. The year I turned 25 it was 45 degrees on my birthday which falls smack in the middle of June - not exactly ideal for the pool party I had planned. But I no longer live in the frozen tundra that is Boston and I expect my weather to be a bit kinder here. Do you hear that March? Also, if I'm not mistaken the month started with some roaring blustering winds. Where's the damn lamb I was promised?

For anyone who's feeling the cold as much as I am, here's one more wintry recipe to get you through these last chilly days: A nice toasty sausage and cheese calzone. All the oozy goodness of the pizza parlor, none of the leaving the house.


SAUSAGE AND CHEESE CALZONE
makes 2 calzone

INGREDIENTS:
1/3 recipe dough
1/2 lb sausage, casing removed
1 C ricotta
1/4 C Parmiggiano-Reggiano Cheese
pinch of salt and pepper
1/8 t nutmeg
2 cloves garlic
1 C shredded mozzarella cheese

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat your oven to 475 F. Place the sausage in a warm pan and break it up with a wooden spoon. Cook for 5-7 minutes until crumbly and nicely browned. Remove to a plate covered with a paper towel so that the grease drains off.

In a large bowl, combine the cup of ricotta with the parm, a pinch of salt and pepper and the nutmeg. Then use a microplane and shave the garlic cloves into the mixture. If you don't own one, you can mince the garlic. Mix well. Then add in the sausage bits and again mix well.

Divide the dough in half. Roll out each piece in a circle, roughly 8" round. Spread half of the ricotta mixture on top then cover with half of the mozzarella cheese.

Fold the top down over the bottom to form a semicircle, then fold and twist the edges to seal.
Repeat with the second circle of dough. Sprinkle a bit of cornmeal on a baking sheet and place the calzone on the sheet.
You can brush with olive oil if you like, or just pop in the oven. Bake at 475 for 10-12 minutes, until nicely browned. The crust should be hard and the middle should be deliciously gooey.

How Close Are We?

People. Are we close enough yet that I can just post this recipe with no story? I'd like to think we are. I certainly hope we are anyway, because at this point I feel lucky that I can string two words together much less put together something that is coherent, much less interesting. It's been a long few days, highlighted by 10 hours in the ER and losing 7 pounds. I'm on the mend, but just barely, and of course am being stubborn and delusional about what I can actually do. Not so delusional that I think I can either cook or eat, but delusional enough to think I can just type a bunch of crap up with some pictures and a recipe and call it a blog post. So that's what we've got folks. And I hope at this point we're close enough that you won't mind.




ARTICHOKE "PESTO" PIZZA

INGREDIENTS:
1/3 recipe dough from here (again, make a full recipe, and freeze the other 2 thirds)
1 C frozen artichokes (defrosted)
2 garlic cloves, smashed
1 t salt (you could start at 1/2 t and then sprinkle more if needed, 1 t was liberal)
1 T olive oil
pepper
1/4 C Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
1-2 t lemon juice
4 strips bacon
1/2 - 1 C ricotta cheese
sprinkle of cornmeal

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat your oven to 475 F.
In a cuisinart like device, whir up the artichokes, garlic cloves, salt and pepper, and parm. If you have a handy-dandy, spot in the top where you can pour liquids whilst it blends, please, add the olive oil this way. Taste. Overcome the urge to find things in your kitchen you can spread it on, so that you'll have some left to put on the pizza crust. Slice the bacon into smallish bits, and cook it in a non-stick pan for about 5 minutes or until delicious and crispy. Roll out the dough. Sprinkle a giant cookie sheet with the cornmeal and then place the rolled out dough on top. Spoon the artichoke deliciousness over the top. Then sprinkle the bacon on top of that. Finally, Add rounded tablespoons of ricotta all over for extra creamy goodness. Pop into the oven and bake for 7-10 minutes (you want cooked crust and warmed toppings).

Barter System

As far as I know there are two types of people in the world. Those who can be bribed with cookies, and those of us who are very relieved to find out cookies will be accepted as a bribe.
At work, this cookie-bribing thing has developed into a whole barter system.

The woman who works next to me is one of those people who has everything you would never think to have, but always somehow need. So far this year I've gone to her for pain medication, a serated knife, tin foil and popsicle sticks. I don't even think to ask anyone else. I know that somewhere in the insane miscellany of her world she will have anything I desire. And she comes cheap. All I do is pay her in cookies, usually just a few, not even a whole batch. (Or at least I haven't asked for anything major enough to warrant a whole batch yet; I'll let you know if I do!)

Just this week I had to ante up. This time it was my NEW! chocolate crinkle cookies.
So just in case you're looking to bribe someone sometime soon...

CHOCOLATE CRINKLE COOKIES
adapted from William-Sonoma, I was going to try Betty Crocker's recipe but do I have 3 hours? No, I damn well don't.

INGREDIENTS:
1 2/3 C flour
1/2 C unsweeted cocoa powder, I used Ghiradelli
1 1/2 t baking powder
1/2 t salt (I omitted because I use salted butter)
1 stick butter
1 1/2 C sugar + 1/4 - 1/2 C extra for rolling (I'm not a big confectioner's sugar person).
2 eggs
1 t vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat your oven to 350F.
Cream together your butter and sugar (I use a stand mixer). In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, cocoa powder and salt(if you're using the salt). Return to your stand mixer and your light and fluffy butter. Now add the eggs, one at a time, mixing in between. Then add your vanilla. Slowly add the dry ingredients and mix carefully. When everything is incorporated you're ready to roll! I prepared to pans by covering them with silpat but you could just grease them. Then get a small bowl and put in regular sugar (remember I think confectioner's is kind of nasty anyway). Form smallish balls, I did probably about walnut sized balls and place on the baking sheets, leaving some room for spreading. Bake for 8-10 minutes then remove to cool on a wire baking rack.

Home is Where the Bread Is

Two weeks ago, I went to visit one of my dearest friends and her darling daughter. It could not have been more delightful. I gleefully indulged the baby by picking up anything she threw off her jumper and giving it back to her, just to hear her say "uh-oh" when she tossed it back over the side. (You should know that I'm pretty much a "yeah, sorry about that kid" person when it comes to the man overboard game, but "uh-oh" instead of wailing like a banshee goes a long way to melt my cold, cold heart.)

Also, there were delicious foods, including home baked bread. So it broke my heart more than a little to leave them all and come back here. Since there's nothing I can really do about missing the baby, I focused on something more concrete and solvable - the bread. Blessed with a completely unexpected (and frankly unnecessary) snow day, I had a chance to bake up my new favorite bread, James Beard's Basic Homestyle Bread. So good. It's made with milk which just makes it extra delicious in my opinion. Also it bakes up two loaves, which means if I can manage to shove one in the freezer I have a treat for later. I will admit that sometimes I lack the self-control to do this and then Ryan and I eat basically two loaves in 3 days. Shut up.

BEARD'S HOMESTYLE BREAD
1. If you'd like to make bread, and you don't own Beard on Bread, you probably should. I stole my mother's copy which she later demanded back despite the fact that she never bakes bread. Fine, I've got my own copy now dammit. Interestingly enough, you can order it for your Kindle, in case you ever wanted to see how well sticky dough covered fingers and an expensive electronic device get along.
2. James Beard spends a lot of time supposing I have things that I do not now, nor will ever have, like caraway seeds and graham flour and empty one pound coffee tins. This recipe requires none of that nonsense.

INGREDIENTS:
1 package dry yeast
2 C warm milk (100-115F) - I use my candy thermometer here, because I don't want my yeast to be killed
2 T sugar
1/4 C melted butter (Beard means unsalted but he doesn't tell you that, no, no.)
2 t of salt (Beard wants you to use 1 T, but I found that to be way too salty).
5-6 C all purpose flour

DIRECTIONS:
Heat the milk, I use the stove so I can gauge the temperature properly. Once it reaches the proper temperature, add 1/2 C of it to the yeast and sugar in a small bowl. Let it sit (and the yeast proof) while you get the other things ready. Put the rest of the milk, the salt and the melted butter (now that I do in the microwave) in the bowl of your stand mixer. Use a spatula to mix it about. Fit the mixer with your bread hook and start adding the flour, one cup at a time. After each cup, give it a good stir, scraping down the sides with a spatula as needed to make sure the flour part is in with the dough part. Once you've added the third cup of flour, add the yeast mixture. Again, run the mixer for a minute, then continue adding flour a cup at a time. The goal is to get something firmish. While the texture of the bread ends up slightly different in the end depending on how much flour you add, I liked it very well both ways. You'll end up needing between 4 and 5 cups total. Let the mixer to the main work of kneading for you, running it on a fairly high speed for a few minutes until it's holding together well. I usually finish up with a quick hand knead, just to make sure I like the texture. You want your dough to be soft, not sticky and sort of satiny. Put it in a large buttered bowl, cover with a dish towel and set in a warm draft free place for 1 1/2 to 2 hours or until doubled in bulk. I have a gas oven so I pop it in there (ON OFF) for the first rise.

When the dough has risen, punch it down and give it a quick knead. Then slice it in half and shape it for two well buttered loaf pans. I don't own two loaf pans, so I used a casserole dish and a loaf pan (I might even like the round better!) Don't feel sad that it looks too small for the pans, time will take care of this. Again, cover the dough and set it to rise in a warm draft-free place. In 1 1/2 to 2 hours it should look nice and puffy (fine, doubled in bulk). Like so:
If you'd been housing them in your oven, take the out and preheat your oven to 400F. If you hadn't been storing them there, you could start preheating earlier. So, while the oven's warming up, use a sharp knife to slice the loaf pan loaf down the middle and to make and x in the top of the round loaf. Then give the top a little brush over with some milk so it's shiny and browned after baking. You could do the same thing with egg white, but it's too much of a hassle for me.
Bake at 400 F for 40-45 minutes (35 in my super fast oven). The bread is done when it's beautifully golden and sounds hollow when you tap it on the bottom. Remove the bread from the pans and try to wait for it to cool before you start eating. This bread is most delicious on the first day, but makes excellent toast so will hold up a bit longer if you are a master of self-control.

(Oscar) Party Plan

Come Sunday, the women of Hollywood will be corseted and poured into gowns. Their hair will be teased, sprayed and coiffed, their faces painted, their nails shellacked. They will be stunning, breathtaking, works of art. They will probably also be hungry. And uncomfortable. I will not have these problems. My Oscar night party (for one) will involve my sofa, a sloppy ponytail, very comfortable pajamas and food that is most certainly off limits to the good ladies of fashion - teriyaki chicken wings. I will think of them with pity as gnaw on these delectable bites.

Whether you are having an ultra-exclusive party like mine, or one open to your friends, surely everyone will enjoy the freedom to make a mess while enjoying food you can sink your teeth into. Extra bonus - you can do a lot ahead. Make the sauce whenever you have time, then all you'll have to do is cook off the wings.

TYLER'S TERIYAKI CHICKEN WINGS
very slightly adapted from Tyler Florence - this goes really well with Cold Sesame Noodles (which can also be made ahead)

INGREDIENTS:
For the wings -
6-8 wings per person - if you are staunchly anti-wing, try drumsticks, they'll just need to cook longer
salt and pepper
olive oil

For the sauce (I halve Tyler's when cooking for the two of us. It's enough for the wings, and some left over) -
1/2 C soy sauce
1/2 C grapefruit juice
2 T hoisin sauce
2 T ketchup
1 1/2 T rice wine vinegar
2 T brown sugar
1 t sambal (more if you like things fiery)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1" piece of ginger, minced

gluten-free note: You'll need GF soy, GF Hoisin (Premier Japan is GF), GF ketchup

DIRECTIONS:
If you're cooking the wings at the same time as you're making your sauce, preheat your oven to 400F.

To make the sauce:
Chop the garlic and ginger and toss in a small saucepan. Add all the other sauce ingredients, stir and heat over medium low. Cook for 20 minutes stirring periodically or until thicker and tasty. For the love of Mike do not leave this unattended. You will not appreciate cleaning up the mess.

To make the wings:
Cover a baking sheet with foil. Salt and pepper your wings and drizzle with olive oil. Bake for 20 minutes. Coat in sauce, tuck back in for 10 more minutes. Toss in remaining sauce. Serve.

So, I usually make the sauce ahead. But if you were so inclined, get the sauce started right as you start the wings in the oven. The sauce should finish cooking right about when the wings need saucing.

Cold Enough For You?

Generally speaking when you have absolutely nothing to say to another person, you talk about the weather. I know this not only because I am relatively socially awkward, but also because my building is equipped with the world's smallest, slowest elevator. It is very, very uncomfortable to stand in silence when you are less than an inch away from another person, especially when you see this person on a semi-regular basis. This winter though, the weather has done its damnedest to keep things interesting for those of us forced into frequent small talk. There's the snow, the ice, the lack of parking available due to the snow and ice, the treacherous nature of brick sidewalks especially when coated with snow and ice. And when we've enjoyed a break from the joys of precipitation there has been an undue amount of cold, punctuated by blistering, bone-rattling wind, intent on making sure that cold is blown directly into the very core of your being.

And this soup is for those of you who have been suffering this winter. It will absolutely warm you up, even if you're at the point where you're pretty sure you'll never be warm again. It won't make you think of tropical beaches and bikinis but it will coat your insides with a nice little fire. Feel free to tinker with the recipe, I certainly did.

ASIAN CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP
I found this delicious recipe over at Lady Gouda and modified it slightly, but it should be fully acknowledged that she is the brains behind this.

INGREDIENTS:
1-2" piece of ginger, peeled and minced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
2 T veggie oil
1/2 C onion diced finely
roughly 2 C sliced shiitake mushrooms (I used the whole package I bought)
3-4 shredded carrots (I julienned mine but I highly recommend using a mandolin)
2 C cooked chicken - I wasn't thrilled about the chicken, I felt I could have skipped it
5 C chicken broth + 1 C water - my broth was homemade and very rich so it could stand up to the supplement of water, I highly recommend using all broth.
3 T soy
2 t sriracha - this made for some seriously spicy soup, a plus in my book, but dial it back if you're wary of heat (but also don't expect it to warm you up as much either!)
3-4 heads of baby bok choy, white super crunchy bits trimmed off and well rinsed (they can be sandy).
3-4 scallions, sliced very thin (and on the diagonal)
3-4 oz rice noodles, cooked

gluten-free note: Get gluten-free soy sauce and check labeling, but sriracha should be gluten-free as should be your rice noodles.

DIRECTIONS:
In a large pot, over low heat, saute the garlic and ginger and onion until soft. Add the mushrooms (I think you could add the carrots here too, I added mine at the end with the bok choy and they cooked fully). Add the chicken, the soy and sriracha. Toss well until everything is coated. Then add the stock. Bring to a low simmer and cook for 15 minutes. While it's cooking, prepare the rice noodles according to the box - my box offered a choice of soaking them for 25-30 minutes which I really didn't have time for and boil them for 4-6 minutes which I did. My other bag has no English on it except for the words "rice noodles". Toss in the bok choy (the carrots too if you didn't add them earlier) and the scallions. Cook for about 2-4 minutes until the bok choy is wilted and tender. If you did as I advise below, add the cooked rice noodles.

A note about rice noodles: I cooked mine separately. I've had to overcook pasta before because I'd added it to cook directly in the soup and then the soup wasn't ready and the pasta ended up gross. I will not be burned again. I boiled my rice noodles separately and added them in cooked at the very end. Do whatever you think is best.

A further noodle note: I chose rice noodles because they were the only one of my several types of Asian noodles that advertised on the box that they can be used in soup. I had (very thin) soba noodles and mein noodles too. I'd planned to try all different ones but when I realized I would be the only one home for dinner my motivation disappeared. I would love to hear about further noodle experimentation.